Some people never land—they just keep swinging from one relationship to the next, and experts are calling their behavior “monkey-barring,” a toxic trend that’s as much about fear as it is about betrayal.
Story Snapshot
- Monkey-barring is the act of lining up a new partner before letting go of the current one.
- Experts classify it as a form of cheating rooted in codependency and fear of being alone.
- This trend is distinctly different from consensual polyamory, which is based on open communication.
- Other new dating trends, like “Banksying” and “submarining,” reveal a landscape of emotional sneakiness.
Monkeys in the Modern Dating Jungle: What Is Monkey-Barring?
Monkey-barring, also known as monkey-branching, defines those who refuse to let go of one partner until the next is firmly in hand. Unlike people who take time between relationships to reflect and recover, monkey-barrers swing rapidly from one romance to another, never enduring the discomfort of solitude. Experts say this is not about healthy exploration or a thirst for connection; it’s about never facing the silence of being single, and it’s leaving a trail of confusion and hurt in its wake.
Dating professionals warn that monkey-barring isn’t just another quirky phase—it’s a form of emotional hedging that can devastate both the current and future partners involved. Serial daters who monkey-bar often present themselves as loving and devoted, but their devotion is conditional and short-lived. These individuals are terrified of being alone, so they keep one hand on their current relationship while reaching for the next, rarely pausing to consider the emotional fallout for anyone involved.
Cheating, Not Polyamory: The Line Between Consensual and Deceitful
Monkey-barring is often mistaken for polyamory, but the difference couldn’t be starker. Polyamory is built on transparency and mutual agreement; everyone knows the score and consents to the arrangement. Monkey-barring, by contrast, is a game played in the shadows. Relationship expert Angelika Koch bluntly states that monkey-barring is codependency in disguise—a desperate bid for security that leaves no room for honest self-growth. The secrecy and betrayal at the heart of monkey-barring mark it as cheating, not open-minded exploration.
Experts say many who engage in monkey-barring lack the emotional maturity to sit with discomfort. By constantly swinging from one partner to another, they deny themselves the opportunity to heal from past wounds and understand their own needs. The thrill and security of never being alone replace the deeper work of building lasting self-awareness, making healthy relationships nearly impossible.
The New Lexicon of Toxic Dating: Banksying, Submarining, and Beyond
The dating landscape is littered with fresh jargon that captures the growing creativity—and toxicity—of emotional evasion. “Banksying,” named for the elusive street artist, describes a partner who grows emotionally distant before vanishing, leaving their significant other blindsided, much like a surprise artwork appearing overnight. “Submarining” refers to those who disappear without a trace, only to resurface in your messages months later, acting as if nothing happened.
https://nypost.com/2025/06/05/lifestyle/toxic-submariner-daters-resurface-like-nothing-ever-happened-worse-than-ghosting/
Experts argue that these trends reflect a wider discomfort with vulnerability and conflict. The new rules of dating seem to favor the emotionally elusive: those who can slip away, reappear, or hedge their bets with multiple partners. For older readers, the terminology may be new, but the underlying behaviors echo age-old anxieties about intimacy, commitment, and rejection. The jungle of modern love is dense, and the predators are often disguised as charming companions—until they swing away, leaving emotional wreckage behind.
Sources:
New York Post – Extreme Dating Trend Cuts People Off Immediately
New York Post – Gen Z Branded as the Ghosted Generation
Vice – Are You Monkey-Barring From Relationship to Relationship?
New York Post – Toxic Banksying Breakup Trend Is the New Ghosting
